Dear Bianca

My years now are shortened by grief and overwhelming sadness. I spend more hours now dreaming of the life that was robbed from under my wings. I am a forever changed person seeking a home that isn’t there anymore. The life I knew and loved has burnt down and I haven’t the energy to build another one. I’m still straining my eyes to see through the things seen and seeking now only the unseen.

I know Bianca, you still exist somewhere. I know you still have emotions you think and see. I know your love for me and your family is still within you. My questions now are whether you are now  in the mighty arms of our father God, or are you still dreaming, still at rest and still  waiting for king Jesus’s return. Every so often through the days I ask God to whisper in your ears “mommy loves you’.

Tell her I’m coming and I’m fighting to the end of this earth to make it to her. I will never give up. I live now to finish life’s purpose. I will walk and breathe to pass this task of being human and win the award of Heaven’s return. . One day I will have my spirit too on the outside. The pain I know will be no more. Death will be swallowed up by life. In the meantime please father keep reminding her constantly I am coming. I am waiting for my turn and everyday is closer. Life down here may be changing but not my heart or thoughts. Bianca you are tucked away deep inside and I will never let you go. I’m still your mom but now a mom of the most beautiful angel in all the whole universe. The very second that just passed has brought  me closer to you. There will be that sudden moment when I will be there with you. I love you Bianca always, see you soon. Love mom.